1. Reveal cures for dread diseases
2. Tell people not to own slaves
3. Tell people not to consume coffee and tea
If you chose 3, “Tell people not to consume coffee and tea,” you and Mormonism’s god think alike. So heinous are coffee and tea that LDS prophets have oft suggested avoiding caffeinated soft drinks as well. Take, for instance, this wimpy plea from the late Mormon prophet Heber J. Grant:
... I will ask it as a personal, individual favor to me, to let coca-cola [sic] alone. There are plenty of other things you can get at the soda fountains without drinking that which is injurious. The Lord does not want you to use any drug that creates an appetite for itself. (Conference Report, April 1922, p.165)
They can come out of the closet. God recently told BYU that it’s totes okay to drink Coke et al on campus. In fact, BYU will even sell it you.
The weird thing—okay, one of the many—is that this is even news. The frightening thing—ditto—is that Mormons let their church get away with telling them what they can and cannot consume.
The first item we list in our article “What is a cult?” just happens to be: Absurd intrusion into personal life. Just sayin.