The Salt Lake Tribune has listed its 11 most-clicked stories for 2012. If clicks are an indication, well, now we know what really matters to Utahns.

News that it’s OK for Mormons to drink cola ranked Number 5. That means that what God lets the Saints drink mattered more than, say, the economy, the Middle East, the Newtown shooting, the Batman movie shooting, attacks on U.S. embassies, the Curiosity landing on Mars, Superstorm Sandy, and even the outcome of the presidential election, to name a few.

Even Elizabeth Smart’s engagement announcement pulled more clicks than any of the above-listed, arguably real stories, none of which made the top 11.

The only election-related story to make the list was the Tribune’s endorsement of President Obama. It came in at Number 1, though probably not due to local interest. The ironic endorsement made world news. Even the respected myth-busting website Snopes.com took the trouble to verify it.

So, what are The Salt Lake Tribune’s 11 most-clicked stories in 2012? Here goes, starting with the most-clicked:

1. The Salt Lake Tribune endorses President Obama
2. An obituary of Utahn Val Patterson, penned by himself
3. Difficulties pertaining to an adoption case in Utah
4. A voicemail message left by local murderer-suicide Josh Powell
5. No official ban on Mormons drinking cola
6. Local murderer-suicide Josh Powell again—West Valley police chief calls his last act “just evil”
7. Tea Party PACs fail to oust Orrin Hatch in primary
8. FBI thinks a most-wanted fugitive might be hiding among Mormons
9. BYU student Brittany Molina receives a note accusing her of immodest attire. (That’s Brittany in said scandalous attire, in the photo at right. It’s odd that this story was “news” at all. The note wasn’t from a BYU official, but from a nameless passerby who handed it to her and walked away. Sure, he’s a pig ... but, this made the local news? We suspect that the record clicks were generated by the curious who just had to see the outfit. How disappointed closet letches must have been.)
10. A crowd of Mormons publicly resign from the LDS Church
11. Elizabeth Smart gets engaged

1. This proves we were right. The end came. Just not in the way that was expected. (After umpteen failed predictions, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Seventh-Day Adventists and others finally settled on and still use this one.)
   
2. This proves we were right. The end is coming. Soon. Honest it is. It’s just that our timing was a little off due to a miscalculation or calendar error (“Hey, God is perfect, but we’re not”).
3. This proves we were right. The end of the world was on schedule, exactly as predicted. BUT: Enough people heard our message and repented to stay God’s hand (“Aren’t we great? We frickin’ saved the world!”); God decided to give the world one more chance and a little more time (“Is God merciful or what?”); or the faithful weren’t faithful enough to bring it about (“You wimpy, insufficiently faithful followers better repent and try harder next time”).

Most cult followers are students only of their own cult, so they don’t realize that throughout history charlatans and the deluded alike have used these same “explanations” over and over to survive failed predictions. Followers simply buy the rhetoric and emerge from the failure more convinced, more ardent. After all, no matter which one or ones they buy, it opens with “this proves we were right.”

Having shifted from December 23 to sometime before 2013, Jeffs appears to be going with Explanation 2 for now. If you’re into Pascal’s Wager, Gentle (Gentile?) Reader, it appears that you have two days to repent. Or, if you’re not, to live it up.

To see how rival polygamist cult leader James Harmston explained his failed end-of-world prediction for March 25, 2000, see “It’s Not About the Sex” My Ass, chapter 11, “Jesus Returns and Destroys the World (and How You Managed to Sleep Through It”).

1) I knew that Jeff and Joanne Hanks had moved to Manti, Utah and that they became polygamists some 20 years ago. They were certainly the talk of extended family gatherings during those years, but hardly anyone ever said a bad word about them. How could they? Most of them were progeny of Mormon polygamists themselves, albeit several generations removed.

2) That Joanne has such a great sense of humor. I see it in her now-adult daughters, so I guess it had to come to them from somewhere. I was very pleased to see that Joanne can laugh about all of this afterwards (though I'm sure there wasn't as much laughter during, as she explains so well in the book).

3) That Joanne is so honest and forthcoming about her experiences in this underground, secretive world. The worst part of coming back out of something like this, is facing up to the fact that not only did you delude others, but you deluded yourself. How many of us have the courage to do that? Joanne does.

I would recommend this book for anyone wanting insight into the world of Mormonism. The larger LDS church denounces these so-called “apostate” groups, but the reality is that what happened to Joanne and her family during their sojourn is very similar to what was happening in mainstream Mormonism from its very beginnings to well into the 20th century.

One can certainly extrapolate the feel and reality of living "the law of celestial marriage" from this thoughtful and expressive tome written by one who knows -- and who is honest and transparent enough to share it with us.

Thanks, Joanne. I think we have a lot more to talk about now!

According to an article by Nate Carlisle in today’s The Salt Lake Tribune, the 47-year-old daughter of Utah polygamist Ervil LeBaron has just received an early release from a Texas federal prison.

The reason for her early release? “Good behavior.”

Her father, Ervil LeBaron, was the infamous leader of a Mormon-based polygamous cult who taught that apostates should be murdered. He carried out at least four murders himself. Six of his family members, including Jacqueline, were also convicted of or pleaded guilty to murder or murder related charges.

We find it curious that, according to the article, she was serving time for “conspiracy to obstruct religious beliefs.” What about “conspiracy to commit murder?” After all, she admitted in court that she told her sister to “travel to Houston and begin to prepare for the murders” and gave her $500 “to finance her trip.” After a warrant was issued for her arrest, she evaded capture for 17 years.

All told, we can only hope that her behavior was VERY good.

Study claims Mormons are more passive-aggressive

A new study fresh from Utah’s Weber State University suggests that Mormon culture promotes passive aggressive behavior. Suggests, as opposed to establishes, because it is not a controlled study. Yet it wouldn’t surprise us. One source of a cult’s power is the public shaming of dissidents. The more ardent the cult, the greater the shaming, and thus the greater its power to make others appear to fall in line. Appear is the operative word. The convenient course is to feign agreement or show no reaction, and then quietly and anonymously resist. Which, of course, is the essence of passive-aggressive behavior.

It would make sense that members of “truth sects” such as Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Scientologists et al grow up under greater pressure to appear to conform than, say, your garden variety Methodist. We suspect that there is even more pressure on religion-based polygamists. If you’ve read “It’s Not About the Sex” My Ass, you’ll recall Joanne Hanks’ inner struggle with recognizing that the cult leader was a fraud yet not daring to admit as much to herself, much less to anyone else. You’ll also recall that severe repercussions followed when her husband let slip that he didn’t buy the leader’s explanation as to why no one seemed to remember the cataclysmic Second Coming of Christ on March 25, 2000.

The more ardent the cult, the more passive-aggressive behavior serves as a survival skill.

Last week we passed along news about a “wear pants to church day” planned by Mormon feminists. To the church’s credit and as we anticipated, no one was sent home to change. Yet some of the semantic gnat-straining is amusing. This, for instance: Some feared the event was being staged as a protest. “Instead it was just a peaceful manifestation of worship ...” Come on. “Peaceful” doesn’t mean “not a protest,” which this surely was. A needful one, in our view. To read Cathy McKitric’s report in The Salt Lake Tribune, click here.

“Easy read and really funny. Sometimes the only way to handle a horrible experience is with a good laugh. The author does a great job at laughing. Finally you can look behind the curtain to see what is really happening in these cults.”—cshreve

“Being born and raised in Utah it is always nice to get a glimpse into the secretive world of those who hold tight to the original principles of the LDS church. Joanne Hanks did a good job in this book of giving readers her insight into what was going on in her head and what goes on in others peoples heads as they are involved in polygamy. Her humor is intact although you are able to get a feel that it masks a lot of pain. Thoroughly enjoyed this read on this interesting subject.”—Eric

“I had not read Joanne Hanks before, but was attracted to the ever-so-mystic topic (Mormonism). I enjoyed the book, both its informational tone and its delivery. Ms Hanks appears to have a flare for the ironies of life and counts and recounts her personal anecdotes with meaning, humour, and style. She starts the book telling us why and how she became a ploygamist, a blind believer in nonsense and a direct (re-incarnated) decendant of Maria Antonniette. She then methodically, through witty stories of her personal experience, takes us to the self de-conversion into a free thinker and a reasoned person. She begins to see in every Mormon ‘commandment,’ new and old, the self serving purpose behind them and her new world begun to open up. This is an enjoyable and informative book.”—Rodolfo Pena

“If you want to know the thinking inside the mind of a ‘sister wife’ then this book is it. No beautiful prose here. Just over-the-back-fence storytelling. I was engaged.”—Don Smith

But it is Idaho Senator William E. Borah, a Republican and a monogamous Mormon, whom we celebrate with this post, for his glorious, hypocrisy-nailing zinger delivered in Smoot’s defense. “I would rather serve in this august body with a polygamist who doesn't polyg,” Borah said, “than with a monogamist who doesn't monog.” 

The expulsion vote fell short of the required two-thirds. Smoot took and kept his senate seat.

Borah’s quip is as apt today as it was in 1903.