“It's Not About The Sex” My Ass
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Embarrassing on so many levels: recent Mormon church disclosures

10/25/2014

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Official Mormon church essays 
show how not to disclose

Recent essays published on lds.org by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, aka the Mormons, concede that all of those “lies told by our enemies and spread by Satan” are, well, not lies after all.

Defenders would credit the church for its courage in being open. But with increasing numbers turning to the Internet to verify the information for themselves, the church had little choice. The essays are not so much admissions as last-ditch attempts at damage control.

They are doing a poor job of it. Had the church called a press conference to set forth unvarnished facts, apologize, and make amends where possible, the news would have been big enough. But by trying to quietly bury the essays amid a plethora of other, more banal ones, the church only succeeded in making the noise louder and the reporting last longer.

Moreover, the essays go to ridiculous lengths to pass off the absurd as reasonable. For instance, instead of plainly stating that Mormon church founder Joseph Smith took a 14-year-old girl as a plural wife—in fact he took two—the church serves up this gem: “... Vilate Murray Kimball ... was sealed to Joseph several months before her 15th birthday.” Ah. Not married, but sealed. Not him to her, but her to him. Not 14, but “several” months under 15. Don’t you feel better about Joseph Smith now?

Unlike the Mormon church, we won’t make you dig for the juiciest essays. We’ve provided links to some of our favorites. Depending on your device, they appear at right or just below. Happy clicking.

Fresh from 
the 
Mormon Church

A sampling of recent disclosures
After nearly two centuries of claiming that Joseph Smith translated the Book of Abraham from Egyptian papyri, the church admits it ain’t so. Click here.

After nearly two centuries of claiming that Native Americans descended from Israelite expats, and despite official scriptures making the same claim, the church backpedals. Click here.

Denying priesthood to blacks wasn’t God’s doing. It was all Brigham Young’s fault. Even though Young was a prophet and other prophets succeeded him, God didn’t bother correcting the error until 1978. Click here.

Contrary to longstanding church claims, Joseph Smith “translated” much of the Book of Mormon by burying his face in a hat, gazing at a “seer stone” placed inside, and reading aloud to a scribe the words as they appeared to him. And, alas, the golden plates from which he claimed to translate were rarely even present. Click here.

The church swore that it stopped polygamy in 1890 with what it today calls Official Declaration 1. Now the church admits that it continued in secret. Click here.

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