God tells Jim Bakker what to wear

Why God doesn’t end hunger or 
prevent war: he’s busy picking out
underwear for televangelists

We shall let televangelist Jim Bakker speak for himself:

“I went to get dressed, and I pray about what I wear — I really do. I know I look stupid sometimes, but the last time God told me to wear a color was red, and what happened that day? The stock market crashed.

“Today, God said, ‘I want you to wear all black. Even my shoes are black. My underwear is black. My socks are black.”

Bakker is one of sundry doomsday preachers predicting that God will destroy the world any day now. That, apparently, is why God told Bakker to wear black. Why God told him to wear black underwear, however, remains something of a mystery. Short of Bakker doing a striptease on his show, how could that serve as a sign for the world to see?

Oh, and you can prepare for the apocalypse by stocking up on food that Bakker just happens to sell.

Readers of “It’s Not About the Sex” My Ass may recall the TLC cult member who prayed each morning to know which socks God wanted her to wear. God always took time to answer, just as he did for another TLC member who, when shopping, needed God to direct him to buy the right box of cereal.

And, it turns out, God helps Jim Bakker dress. Divinely directed minutiae is not the exclusive province of polygamist cults. Who knew?

This may provide an answer to the age-old Problem of Evil. Maybe God would intervene in evil and suffering if only we didn't keep him busy picking out socks, cereal, and Jim Bakker’s outfit.