Mormon nutcases seize wildlife sanctuary (only figuratively a joke)

“Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because fiction
is obliged to stick to possibilities; truth isn’t.” 
—Mark Twain

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Proof there are ways
other than ​polygamy to
​be a Mormon nutcase

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The memes are pouring in. Click images to enlarge. More on the ​Snacks for YallQuaeda Facebook page.

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This true story, which continues unfolding as we write, smacks of a script from the “Family Guy” reject pile.

On Saturday, January 2, brave-brave-brave armed nutcases from Nevada took over a quiet wildlife refuge in southeastern Oregon. Their motivation? To make the United States Gubment back down from having convicted their buddies of arson on a mere technicality. Said buddies had willfully and illegally set fire to gubment property. The technicality was that arson is a crime defined as “willfully and illegally setting fire to property.”

To the embarrassment of the Mormon Church, the nutcases made it known that they are fully believing, practicing Mormons. The ringleader even referred to himself as “Captain Moroni,” after a Book of Mormon commander who led a revolt to defend religion, freedom, peace, and families.

Yesterday, January 4, the Mormon Church released this statement:

“... Church leaders strongly condemn the armed seizure of the facility ... This armed occupation can in no way be justified on a scriptural basis ...”

The statement falls short of the classic “woe unto you” rhetoric the Mormon god is famous for, but then, it’s not as if the armed nutcases are guilty of anything so heinous as having parents in a gay relationship.

They are, however, guilty of poor planning. They have put out a call to supporters—assuming such exist—for snacks, toiletries, foil, towels, and laundry detergent.

For the most part, the nation is relaxing and having a good chuckle over the brave-brave-brave armed nutcases. Rightly so. As for the gubment, it is wisely taking its time dealing with this mini powder keg. 

One wonders if the nutcases realize how fortunate they are to be white and Christian (setting aside that Born-Again Christians dispute the latter claim). Were they black and/or Muslim, they would already be dead.